Things Not To Do

I have a few ideas on things not to do right before your wedding.  I learned these from the aftermath of my "pre-wedding celebration" (i.e. bridal shower/bachelorette party) last week, and the lessons generally fit into the theme of "Safety First". 

Thing Not to Do Right Before Your Wedding #1: Dance on a Stripper Pole

 

Kendra (formerly of Girls Next Door, now apparently has her own place with stripper pole and reality TV show and married to a pro athlete with baby I'm sorry how did that happen jealous much?) taught me all my moves 

Yes, you heard it, I made out with a stripper pole.  Dancing on a stipper pole is hard work, people. I didn't know this, and neither did I consider this in my inebriated state during the festivities. Two things happened the next day which weren't so pleasant, and things that I would not want to happen on the wedding day:

A. I couldn't lift my aching sore arms.  Swinging yourself on a pole, hoisting up your entire body weight, and whatever other antics you want to do take a lot of arm strength. 

B. Bruises. I tend to bruise easily, but regardless, making a running leap and throwing yourself against a pole, holding on tight with your limbs as you swing around again and again lead to things like this:

Sexay!! Uh huh.

Thing Not to Do #2: Feed Your Pugs

The day after the festivities, I was tired. Slow on the uptake/coordination tired.  When I was reaching down to pick up the food bowls to feed my pugs, I whacked the center of my forehead, right above my eyes, against the corner of my dining room table.  

Woe is me.  What do you mean you can't see it.  Okay here.

That says "Epicenter of Concussion" above.  Low-grade concussion while trying to say my vows would probably be doable, but perhaps not so cool.

Lastly, the culprits who apparently will be starving until the wedding:

I'm kidding. Of course I'll feed them.

Maybe. 

The pain was worth it--I had a fabulous time at my pre-wedding festivities which were lovingly planned by my friends.  It involved manis/pedis with a glass of bubbly, potluck dinner, bubbly, surprise guests from California, bubbly, a slideshow which induced an ugly cry face, more bubbly, a human pyramid, and a night of dancing.  Most importantly, it involved lots of love and friendship, for which I am inexpressibly grateful.  What, you want a pic? Here.

I make my mom real proud.

Anybody else have some tips on things to avoid right before the wedding so you can be fit, conscious and happy for the day of?