Um, remember when I was talking about how I have practically unilateral decision-making ability in wedding planning, and that Kevin's non-involvement wasn't really a problem? I was pretty damn proud of ourselves for not bickering, because I was happy to do the work and it wasn't his thing. I couldn't stop patting myself on the back! Pat pat...
Well, um, hee hee, so right after I wrote those posts, we made up for the lack of small bickering with one DOOZY of a fight. Ha. In our tiny 500 square foot apartment, this is what it felt like (arguing turns me into a White person, Kevin's hair turns from blond to brown, and he grows facial hair):
What triggered this unpleasant scene? Well, after I wrote those earlier posts, I started to get anxious, thinking that if Kevin doesn't get a little more involved, then: (1) he wouldn't be excited about the wedding; (2) he would have no idea what was going on the day of, feel lost, and not enjoy himself as much.
To assuage my concerns, I did the calm, reasonable thing and cornered him over a glass of wine one evening, and immediately started pelting him with questions about the order of the ceremony processional. His eyes started to glaze over, and I think he used the word "obsessed" in describing my attitude towards the wedding. I lost it. I admit it, I overreacted. I mean, I was a holy terror.
What the heck happened to being satisfied with our "working" relationship? After an unnecessarily long time of fighting like blind bats (I know, redundant)...
Source (heehee, is this too much? It slightly grosses me out, but also makes me giggle--I mean, just look how FEROCIOUS it's trying to be, with that piggy snout and everything)
Why did I react so emotionally? Eventually, this is what I realized:
(1) I am anxious about him knowing what's going on the day of.
(2) I don't mind that he takes a backseat (like, strapped to the outside of the trunk) when it comes to planning, but I had a latent sadness that he may not be excited about the wedding. I was totally projecting onto him that he dreaded the wedding. Not a good feeling.
(3) Wedding planning has kept me engaged and occupied in a positive way. One of the greatest benefits of wedding planning is having become a member of this great Weddingbee community--I feel connected. This kind of connection has helped keep my mind level when dealing with other stresses in my life--career, jobs, work, salary, etc. (notice a theme here?). Him describing it as "obsessed" did not go over well.
In tears, I told him my concerns. He assured me that he is looking forward to the wedding, that all my planning has gotten him excited about it, and that he didn't realize how important wedding planning was to me in terms of my emotional health (psh, shows how much he pays attention). It was all very comforting.
Source (much less disturbing picture of bat, but not as funny, either)
Whew, so did anyone else have disagreements, big or small, that taught you a few things about deeper feelings regarding the wedding and planning?
WEL??!! what was the outcome of the 'discussion'???!!!
ReplyDelete