Mars, You're Not the Boss of Me

I know that processed food isn't good for you--too fatty, sugary, caloric, salty, and the companies are pure evil (or something like that). But I have to admit it's hard for me to resist the pweety pweety candy bars at the drugstore or the movie theater.  Once in a while I can't resist--or more accurately I choose not to resist--the call to qualm my mid-afternoon hunger pangs with some peanut M&M's.

At some point I discovered that Mars packages them in whopping 3.27 oz bags, not just the measly 1.7 oz bags. Oh come to me you yellow orb of crunchy sugary sweetness you...

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When I saw that it was called the "Tear 'n Share" size, I giggled.  "Share"--haha. That's funny. Not happening.

I went through a week where I bought a Tear 'n Share size every afternoon.  One day I told my co-worker "No more!" and swore them off. She promised she would help me.  Then two days later she leaves a bag of peanut M&M's on my desk. I was a little disappointed. Not because she basically forced me to cave by giving me the candy, but that it was a regular size instead of the Tear 'n Share size. I'm an ingrate.

When I went to the store the other day, I found that Mars had changed the packaging:

I like the explicit "2 servings". Like "Hey dumbass you're not supposed to eat this, and its 24 grams of fat and 400+ calories, all by yourself." Or maybe it's more like "We actually know you won't share this because what do we care, we get to make more money when you buy this, and we only slapped this on here so it seems like we have a modicum of concern about childhood obesity but again, really, we don't care."

Also, "Sharing" is definitely less punchy than "Tear 'n Share". Why did they do that? Maybe because "Tear 'n Share" was too many directions for the 5-year olds that typically eat there? Were they trying to save on ink? Did people not understand the "Tear" part? Like did some of them think you're supposed to tear apart an actual peanut M&M? Should those people be allowed to even buy things? I'm confused.

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I just think this is a thing of beauty