This is my idea of what big scary Ceremony is like
(AP photo via here)
I had a struggle with Ceremony. We fought, we wrestled, I think we even kicked each other in the gut. Or butt. It's been a blur. But I surrender now. Just please lift your heel from my larynx, please.
Originally, we didn't want a wedding ceremony. I thought I was too old and over-the-hill for that kind of stuff (I later realized I was being extremely melodramatic--33 is not over-the-hill, y'all!). We just wanted cocktails and dinner. A formal ceremony seemed like too much pomp and circumstance, and getting legally married was something we could do quickly at city hall without a lot of fuss. Who needs fuss? Who needs an audience for carrying out a legal act? Plus, who needs the extra responsibility--the script, the officiant, the music, the programs...blech.
Well, that was my original idea until Ceremony challenged me to a battle of will and showed me the wuss that I am. Ceremony cleverly used my friends to strike the first blow. Several of our guests-to-be flat out told us that we should have a ceremony, that the ceremony was the best part, yada yada.
Fine, I said to myself, we'll have a ceremony. So okay, we'll take 5 minutes from cocktail hour where everyone stands around with their drinks and we'll do a quickie ceremony with my friend officiating. Won't that be easy and fun?
I mentioned this to my venue coordinator, and she pretty much gave me the big fat NO...something about trying to get 50 people to pay attention while just standing is like herding cats. I told her, actually I whined, that I wanted it to be easy and not a big deal.
If only guests would gather like this when I want them to (note to self: purchase can opener for wedding)
The more she told me about our options (which included chairs! of all things), the more I whined, even though I knew the inevitable was that we would have a more formal ceremony than I had hoped for. I mean, she said that people should be able to SIT DOWN. That just took the formality to a whole new level for me.
My nemesis. I don't care what it looks like, I just didn't want them. Source
Some excerpts from our conversation:
HER: I know you're looking for a simple and easy ceremony, but we have to do something that works.
ME: Well maybe we just won't do it! (pout)
HER: After all, you want people to pay attention during the ceremony, and this only happens once in your life...
ME: (snorting with laughter) Maybe.
HER: (a little shocked moment of silence, followed by a nervous giggle)
I wasn't as bratty as all that. In any case, I have gradually let the juggernaut of Ceremony roll over me but you know what? I've revived myself from a flattened state and I'm ready to embrace Ceremony. I'm actually even excited about it. However, it now added this whole other aspect to the day that I hadn't even thought of until a few months before the wedding. Fine. FINE. grrr...
Did you consider having a small separate ceremony or no public ceremony at all?