Thursday, July 15, 2010

Desperation Junky Snacks

For all that talk about eating local, fresh produce, I still love me some junk food. I also love me some foodstuff that I'm going to call Desperation Junky Snacks.

I think we've all been there--you've had a really long day at work or school, maybe you've eaten some dinner, maybe you haven't, but you're feeling the munchies.  There is practically nothing to eat in the house, and you are too damn tired to go grab something from the corner store.  So enter the Desperation Junky Snack. This is a level going beyond continually dipping your hand into your cereal box and munching and crunching away--these are the snacks for which you have to think a little outside of the box, and those which maybe you are a little embarrassed to admit that you've eaten.

I remember hearing about a popular DJS for some college students--unboiled dried ramen noodles with the flavoring packet sprinkled on top.  Yeah, that's the kind of DJS I'm talking about.  It's like, you have some food that with some effort could be "real" food, but you're feeling too lazy and junky, so you indulge in an iteration that possibly sounds disgusting to other people, but only because they haven't *been there* and get what you're talking about.

Dude, you need to put some seasoning on there

I have to admit I haven't tried the raw ramen thing (am I missing out? let me know), but here are a few winners that I came up with in law school.

One of the least offensive DJS that I enjoyed on a regular and far-too-frequent basis:  I had chocolate chips. I had peanut butter.  You know where this is going.  I would pour chocolate chips into a bowl, plop down a few spoonfuls of peanut butter in there (crunchy type was best), mix it up, and enjoy. Repeat.  Actually, this is kind of a haute DJS--like a Reese's Butter Cup, deconstructed.  Anyway, it was awesome.

(except my own "recipe" was lighter on the pb and higher on the cc)

My more embarrassing and completely creative-less DJS: I had cream cheese. I had crackers.  Forget the crackers.  I would go in the fridge, unwrap the cream cheese, cut off a 1/4 inch sliver, and munch away.  Feeling a little horrified with myself, I would go back to the couch.  After a few minutes, the munchies would return. I would go back to the fridge, cut off another 1/4 inch slice, and chew away.  And repeat.  

See, it wouldn't have been nearly the same thing if I had just put a block of cream cheese on a plate and forked through it, with the whole thing in front of me. I mean, that's disgusting. Yeah, totally.  Making at least 5-10 visits to the fridge to cut off 1/4 inch slivers was how to do it--it was all about the *shame* and *desperation*, you know? Like I *knew* I was doing something totally wrong but I couldn't stop myself.
I know what you're thinking, you're thinking mmm doesn't that look just deeleeshoouuss!  Well yes, it is.  

I'll try to think of others, but until then, and good DJS you've succumbed to?


  1. I can't think of many things that make me a DJS girl, but I'm definitely guilty of cutting slices of cheese multiple times, and eating straight from the cereal box. But, that peanut butter chocolate concoction looks delicious.

  2. So when we were kids we would take the top ramen put it in a ziploc bash it up then add the season and eat it raw that way. I was not such a fan of taste but more in my friends were doing it so why not. I have what I call white trash nachos, take saltines and then the old piece of cheese at the back of the fridge lay it out on a plate and microwave..........yummmmmmmmmmmmmm! I have also been known to take the lettuce out of the fridge then just peel pieces of and eat it.

  3. Love the unboiled ramen noodles with flavor packet. I ate that when I was a kid but now it sounds too disgusting to eat because of the chemicals. (Of course, adding some water and boiling it is totally acceptable still to me. Really, what's the difference? I'm ingesting the same things anyway.)

    Have you ever tried this? Oh god it sounds too disgusting to even type out loud but it's actually pretty decent. My mom used to take a block of cream cheese and put those tiny cocktail shrimps on it (the fresh kind, the little tiny ones) and then squirt ketchup all over the thing and serve it with Wheat Thins. I don't even know where she got that idea (it sounds a bit more tolerable with cocktail sauce in lieu of ketchup but I swear the ketchup thing was pretty good).

    Disgusting things I eat when no one is looking include crackers with mayonnaise, (any food vessel with mayonaise, really) and spaghetti os with a shit ton of cheese on top.

  4. that PB and CC combo must be genetic. that is my fave DJS. excellent coinage of phrasage, by the way.

    altho, when the fridge and pantry are truly empty, there is always wine.

  5. mmm, that PB & CC combo sounds right up my alley...I tend to favor the spoonfuls of whatever frosting happens to be in the fridge. I also often put said frosting on graham crackers...ritz crackers...hell, even multi grain wheat thins.