Hello!

I haven't been able to piece together thoughts in a cohesive manner lately, preventing me from posting anything on the blog.  Let me show you what I mean.  Below is a sampling of the thoughts that have flittered throughout my mind as possible blog posts.  You'll see what treasures they are.  And you will feel blessed that I didn't write an entire post about any one of them.

Numbeeerr ONE!

I like getting massages. They are high on the list of things I like to do. I look for places that give a really good rate, usually bare-bones establishments that have only curtains separating the massage areas. For the price, I'm sure my neighbors didn't mind that one time I was snoring with the lung capacity and hibernation-type content of a black bear. Seriously, I woke myself up with the sound of my snoring.  I am entertaining.

However, sometimes I have an issue speaking up at massages if the pressure is too hard. I don't know if it has anything to do with my fear/respect of authority, or that I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, or the thought that I should toughen up and just take it in the face, etc.  In any case, I find myself in situations at these massages thinking of how I might describe the massage to someone else, like:

"I thought she was trying to separate my muscles from my bones"

"I thought if I could live through this, I will be okay when someone pummels me and throws me into the trunk of the car"

"She got on my back, on all fours, with her knees digging into the back of my knees, and started flailing her feet like she was doggy paddling, kicking me over and over and over again.  Then, I can't be sure because I was lying face down, but I'm pretty sure someone else came in and they both started kicking me" (this really happened)

"I wonder if I would feel stupid explaining to someone that my shoulder blade was broken because I refused to speak up at a massage.  You know, the massages that you pay for, presumably not to break your body"

That's that.

Nummmbbeeerrr TWO!

The pugs had diarrhea. It was a pleasure. No it was not.  I had bought them a new bag of food--not "new" in the sense of changing the brand or even the flavor--just the same replacement bag of food that I've been getting for the past couple of years.  So imagine my delightful surprise when both dogs came down with the runs.

I called the pet store and told them about my predicament (I really wanted to say "I AM DROWNING IN POOP THIS IS HUMILIATING") and they told me to come back in and exchange the food, no questions asked.  Well they did ask some questions, but it was normal stuff, like what food was the poopy culprit.  It was then that I found out that the company making the pugs' food started selling to a big chain, and that it was possible that the quality of the product had gone down in order to meet the new demand.

So of course I immediately get suckered into purchasing the most expensive pet food on earth. Okay maybe not the most expensive, but it's up there. 

Anyway, the diarrhea cleared up *like that* and we're good now. I don't have to go home each night after a work with a sense of trepidation and a gas mask, waiting to see the surprises my babies left me.

Nuummbbbeeer Three!

Kevin got me a Kindle last Christmas.  I thought of writing a post and never did. I like it. My sister bought me a hot pink cover for it. It is convenient--very light, you can get books instantly, and you're never caught finishing a book without another to start.  The screen is amazing and easy to read.  You can type in notes and make highlights, which creates this nifty little index compiling all the notes and marks that you've made--you know, the kind of index that allows you to look over your scholarly and deep deep thoughts in a way that impresses you with yourself.

It's not cost effective compared to hard copy books.  Publishers have started setting Kindle prices for their books, which are often a few bucks more than the paperback prices on Amazon. I would say screw you publishers, except that I know they're having a hard time so I will let them go.  This time.  The shivering that they were experiencing in their boots is on respite.

Do I miss the experience of reading a hard copy book? Sometimes, but surprisingly not as much as I thought. Actually, very little, and the whole holding-a-real-book was an emotional issue for me.  I think it helped that I still have some hard copy books that I plan on reading, because Kindle didn't have them available and/or I got them for a $1 at the local used book sale.  I haven't actually picked one up, though, but it's nice that they're in a huge heap near my bed.

That's it folks.

I will be back soon with more fascinating thoughts.

P.S. I have not been cooking much. And when I have, I just repeat recipes I've already posted here. I could probably post them again and no one would know the difference, but I have integrity. So much of it.

Grilled Butterflied Chicken

You will see random pictures of splayed chicken in this post, in various stages of doneness, so be prepared.

My parents' grill was recently resurrected from what was a horrid, rusty, filthy grave.  They should be ashamed of themselves.  The savior was my sister, who took one look at the grill, sprinted back inside, and promptly ordered new grill grates to be shipped the next day.  Thank you sister.  (I, on the other hand, had completely avoided the grill, knowing what I was likely to find. Not a savior.)

There were some plump, good-looking chickens at the farmers' market, and we picked one up with the thought of butterflying the chicken and cooking it on the born-again grill.  I searched the internet for grilled butterflied chicken recipes, and mostly based my recipe on the one in this blog, which was adapted from Cook's Illustrated.  I liked the recipe not only because it gave directions on how long to grill a butterflied chicken, but it also called for brining the chicken beforehand.

For the chicken and brine:

• 1 whole chicken, about 4 to 4.5 pounds
• 1 1/2 to 2 gallons of water
• 1/2 cup kosher salt
• 1/2 cup brown sugar

I also used this dry rub recipe from Saveur, but it isn't necessary.  If you click on the link, you'll see that the rub recipe has about 15,000 ingredients.  This is something that would automatically go in my "no" pile, except that my sister made the rub, not me. I used it, but I didn't make it. 

Pour a few cups of hot water into a container large enough to hold the chicken and at least a few inches of water above it.  Pour in the salt and sugar, and mix until the granules dissolve.  I added in a couple of bay leaves, just for kicks.  Place your chicken into the container.  I also read that you should put ice in the mixture so the temp lowers and discourages bacteria. So I did that. 

Pour in enough water (start with a gallon and go from there, depending on the size of your pot and chicken) to cover.  Then I covered the whole thing and put it in the fridge for about 4 hours.

Tip 1: you can start this process with a frozen chicken.  The brining thaws out the chicken very quickly.

Tip 2: don't quote me on this, but I wouldn't brine the chicken for more than 4-5 hours.  After that, the solution breaks down the meat too much and it may become mushy.

When you're ready to move on to the next step, heat your grill to medium high (if you have a charcoal grill, I get the impression that medium high means that you can hold your hand about 5 inches from the grill for about 4-5 seconds before your hand melts--this is why I use a gas grill).  

After brining, remove the chicken and pat dry with paper towels.  Discard brining solution.  Now get to butterflying that chicken.  I previously gave vague and unhelpful directions on how to butterfly a chicken in this post, so if you'd like to be unhelped again, please click on that link. (I did link to a different site that has more specific directions on butterflying, which is more helpful.)  Basically you take poultry shears and cut along each side of the backbone, remove the backbone, and flatten out that sucker chicken.  You may need to make a vertical slit/crack along the breastbone with your knife in order to help this along.

Some recipes at this point would have you cover the chicken with plastic wrap and pound with a heavy object to achieve an even, flat layer of chicken, but that sounded like too much work and shit, I just butterflied a chicken, isn't that enough.

Season well on both sides with salt and pepper. I used the infinity ingredient dry rub, which had salt and pepper in it.

Slap the chicken, skin side down, on the grill.  It should sizzle a little.  Mine didn't. Apparently we were running out of propane, which caused all kinds of issues, like dinner taking about twice as long as it should have to cook.  C'est la vie.  Turn the heat down to medium.

Cover and cook for about 15 minutes, until the skin is nice, crispy and golden.  Flip it over.

My chicken start to try and shimmy out of its skin.  This may have had to do with some inadvertent mistargeted butchery on my part.

Cover and cook for about 12 more minutes, or until the breast meat is about 165 degrees and the thigh meat is 185 degrees.  Or, you can be like me and ruthlessly hack into it with a paring knife to see if the juices are clear (done) or still pink (not done).  Cutting into meat at this stage is typically a no-no because the juices run out but when it comes to E. coli, I choose hacking.

It was at this point that the propane, unbeknownst to me, really started to run out, and the chicken was just not cooking that well.  I severed the thighs/legs from the rest of the body to speed up cooking, but hopefully you won't have to engage in this sort of amputation.  If you do, though, just do it with love, okay?

Cook, you damn chicken, cook.

When the chicken is fully cooked, set it on a cutting board and let it rest for about 5-10 minutes before cutting into it.  This wait seemed somewhat symbolic at this point on account of the previously-referenced hacking.  See evidence below.

I spy a gouge in the leg, multiple stab wounds in the breast, and general gross dismemberment.

But it was tasty nonetheless.  The brine gave it a lot of flavor and juiciness, and the rub was excellent.

Ta-da!

Cranberry Bean Bruschetta

Way back when, my sister introduced me to cranberry beans and a lovely little snack made with said beans.  She simmered the cranberry beans with garlic and water (and bacon or parmesan rind or tomato or...this recipe is flexible) with a sprinkling of sage at the end--perfect for topping little slices of toasted baguette.  The beans take a bit unfairly long to cook, at least 40 minutes, but if you have time, the result is savory and delicious.

So whenever I see healthy cranberry beans at the grocery store or farmers' market, I grab a bunch to make this cranberry bean topping.  Haha that's a lie. I love how that sentence made me seem like this person that cheerfully roams around markets with a cute little basket on her arm, blissfully caressing all the produce, having a little go-to recipe for each vegetable that she can make in her sleep. Whatever.  In the 10 years or so since my sister showed me this dish, I've made it about 4 times.  How's that for frequency.

You'll need:

• 3/4 lb to 1 lb of fresh cranberry beans in the pod
• Enough water or chicken stock to cover beans in small pot
• 1 to 2 garlic cloves, smashed
• About a 2-inch square piece of parmesan or one slice of bacon, diced
• 1 or 2 plum tomatoes, seeded and diced
• About 5 medium-sized sage leaves, thinly sliced
• Baguette slices, about 1/4-inch thick and toasted

Shuck your cranberry beans (is it shucking beans? Some other term? I don't know.).  Never seen a cranberry bean? Here you go.

Beautiful, aren't they? Well, enjoy those cranberry stripes while they last, they disappear in the cooking.

Place beans in a small pot with enough water to cover by 1/2 inch. Throw in the garlic cloves.  I threw in the parmesan later because I initially forgot it, but this would be the time to put in the parmesan rind or bacon (or hell, both).

Turn heat to high until water is boiling, then lower heat to a simmer.  Simmer, covered, for about 40 minutes or until beans are tender, checking every once in a while to make sure water doesn't get too low.

When beans are tender but not mushy, throw in the diced tomato.

Simmer, uncovered, for about 15 more minutes until the mixture is a nice brown color, and everything looks melded together.  Fish out the parmesan rind, if using, since it will be a floppy mess by now.

Sprinkle with sage, and load that topping on your crostini. Or bruschetta. I don't know the difference. I am talking out of my ass.

You can make this with other beans as well, and with dried beans. But don't expect me to give you directions on that.  I've only made this 4 times.

Ta-da!

Melting...Just Melting...

It's been hot here.  Very hot. And humid.  I haven't been cooking that much, partly because it's too hot to cook, but also because it's hard to cook when you're melting.

Just take a look at the effects of this muggy weather.

Can't lift head, momma. So heavy.  Everything is melting.

Okay, momma, now you're squeezing too hard.

The heat is oppressing me into absolute torpor.

The humidity makes my wrinkles swell.  Do they look too big to you?

I'm officially melted.  Only copious amounts of blueberries shoved into my mouth can save me at this point.  I'll just leave you with that nugget of knowledge.

Bursting

My heart bursts at the seams looking at these.  This is one of the reasons why I love having two pugs.

Bunni resting her head on Rikki's belly

Bunni never would have done this when Rikki first came into our lives.

Bunni is not so generous about sharing her couch nook, though.

Speak to the paw, Rikki.

That's a cuddle if I ever saw one.

Detour

Sometimes things just don't go as planned.  It started with the idea of making a tasty, zesty blueberry and lemon olive oil cake.  So promising! It was going to be great!

I had plump, sweet delicious blueberries and a simple cake recipe. What could go wrong?

Plus, I had Heineken keeping me company. I ask you again, what could go wrong? (Yes, I'm drinking beer out of a wine glass. And yes, in retrospect I'm wondering whether Mr. Heineken had anything to do with the detour.)

I should have started to suspect that things were not going well when I started dropping eggshells left and right into the batter.

From then on, there were things like discovering there was not enough baking powder, trying to make it up with baking soda, the cake starting to burn before being cooked through, the cooking time taking eons longer than it was supposed to...and ended with me throwing the cake in the trash after determining it inedibleness.  Ah, those beautiful blueberries.

After that detour, I righted myself and focused on something definitely more promising.  I present to you my two little ottomans of joy.

Yes, that is pug fur sprinkled on the carpet.

Yes, that is a pug fur sticking out of Bunni's eye.  I swear that stuff is like kudzu.

Another Kind of Comfort Food

I make a lot of pasta recipes (just see my recipe page)--I love making and eating pasta. It's a one-dish meal, super versatile, so yummy and filling, and so on. In a way, pasta is a comfort food to me because I turn to it so often.  But it's not a comfort food in the sense that there is one or two dishes that bring a rush of nostalgic memories or anything. I guess pasta is more of my go-to as opposed to a comfort food.  So I'm basically flip-flopping mid-paragraph and don't know what I'm talking about.

Because when it comes to comfort food, the thought of sitting down to a spread like this at my parents' house gets me every time...

One super awesome thing about Korean food is banchan, an endless variety of small dishes served at the beginning of the meal (and to be picked at throughout the meal). They're generally pretty salty so a little goes a long way (though I can really hork 'em down), and they are meant to be eaten with rice.  The above picture was not the full buffet that my mom put out that night, she continued to plunk down dishes after I took this picture.  Besides the rice and beer, and here are a few of my other favorites:

Jangjorim.  This is cooked, shredded beef marinated in soy sauce, rice vinegar, and...other things I don't know. It is salty, tangy, savory, and absolutely one of my most favorite banchan EVER.

Radish kimchi.  I love traditional cabbage kimchi as well, but if I had to choose, I would pick radish kimchi for my deserted island.

These are fresh sesame leaves and a green called soot-ghat from my parents' garden.  We dip it in a mixture of miso paste and red pepper paste. Deewish.

This is also a heavy favorite of mine--gaetnip. It's sesame leaves marinated in soy sauce, red pepper and garlic. One of these wrapped around some nice, fluffy rice is heaven to me.

This is a slightly astringent, bitter green sauteed with garlic, soy sauce, sesame oil and stuff. No I don't know the name. I didn't say this post was supposed to be educational.

Source

Myung-ryang-jut.  This is preserved salted pollack roe. I didn't take a close-up picture so I found this on the webz. I don't even know what a pollack is, except that it's a fish. A little pinch of this with rice is a bit of salty, briny, savory heaven.  I know it sounds kind of unusual and looks odd, but I love it and is an absolute favorite among Koreans.  This isn't the kind of fish egg caviar that you find in sushi restaurants--the eggs are much smaller.

What are your comfort foods?