Invite Decomp

Do you find that you look back on certain aspects of wedding planning and are totally mortified by the lack of perspective which influenced the process?  Let me introduce to you one of my favorite words, and one that could be applied to myself, um, more than once.

de·com·pen·sa·tion 

n.

1. Medicine Failure of the heart to maintain adequate blood circulation, marked by labored breathing, engorged blood vessels, and edema.

2. Psychology The inability to maintain defense mechanisms in response to stress, resulting in personality disturbance or psychological imbalance. 

This describes the state of mind in which I found myself one evening, growing delirious with the difficulties of picking a motif for our invites.  I was one second despondent, the next second giggling, and shooting annoying emails to my sister at a rate of 5 emails per minute.

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 I think our last conversation ended with her saying "I can't deal with you anymore, you're decompensating."  I didn't even know what she meant until I looked it up.

How did I get here?  It started innocently enough.  I wanted my friend K to create a line drawing of the coastline at Half Moon Bay so that we could use it on our invites.  We went through multiple iterations (okay, about 24).  And finally, being the gracious bride that I am in accepting my friend's free services, I decided that I *no longer* wanted a coastline.  The drawings were great, it was more my own flawed concept. *Blush*

It was up to me to find something, and quick. I searched. And searched. But I was having a hard time, and by "hard" I mean stressful and miserable, because I had put my friend through all this work only to change my mind at the end, and I had to find something that would work and represent us and the style of the wedding and spin gold and babysit my future children and all that good stuff.

I kinda gave up. I began to think I would just forgo an image and have nothing but the text.  The only things I could think of were--hm, how shall I put it--well, you'll see.  Here is a mere sampling of what I began to think would be totally appropriate to put on our invites:

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Potatoes! Kevin and I really like eating potatoes! Mashed, pan roasted, fries, gratin, you name it, we love potatoes!

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 Our new vacuum cleaner! We love it! Sometimes we open the closet to peek at it.  A clean home brings harmony to our relationship. Vroom! Vroom!

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 Kevin and I rather like these little pug bums.  Maybe, like, a bouquet of pug butts?

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 And a pain killer. Any pain killer. Because at that point it seemed like a really good idea.

As you can see, while one can certainly call these "inspired", perhaps it's not "inspired" in a good way.  So what did I find at 1:30 am furiously searching the internet? An artichoke!

No, I'm serious. We're doing an artichoke.

What parts of the planning, if any, threw you close to decompensation?

Is That a Ring in Your Pocket?

Per my directive of "try again" after Kevin proposed the first time, Kevin took it to heart and tried proposing a few more times.

Proposal #2

I don't even remember when exactly Proposal #2 happened, but I do know that Kevin treated me to a very lovely and special meal at Daniel restaurant.  I thought this could be the night he proposed.

So before we go to dinner, I look at Kevin in his fine suit, all handsome:

Then I look closer, and see this:

Well gee whiz. What the hell could that be. It makes me laugh thinking about it, because it escapes my imagination how he thought I wasn't going to notice.  I burst out laughing, and the "surprise" was ruined. There was a bit of an awkward moment as we could have gone ahead with the "will you marry me?" part, but somehow it got decided to yet again, put it away for another day.

Proposal #3

Kevin and I were about to go spend a week in Cape Cod in summer 2008.  I noticed that when he was packing, he was secretive about the whole thing, and at one point when I reached for his bag he wrapped his arms around it like it was a hapless babe, his eyes got real big, and he said "No!!"  This guy has no poker face.  So endearing.

While staying on Cape Cod, we took daily early morning walks on the beach.

One day (happened to be my birthday) we're headed out the door to go take our daily walk and he abruptly stops, mutters, goes back into the room and comes out with a shoulder bag. Veerrrryyy subtle.  It was cute, and I could tell he was nervous so I just went about my way.

So we're walking, the beach is nice and empty, and he gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him.  And that's that.

And how, you may ask, was my appearance for this special occasion?

Haaawwwtttt.  Hey, he still asked, didn't he?

Let's hear others' proposal stories, whether single or multiple!

Here's a Ring, Now Light a Match

The story of how Kevin and I met isn't terribly interesting.  We were set up by a friend.  For our first date, he suggested going to a cafe that offered a ginormous amount of baked goods. So we got married (he had me at the baked goods!).

from Natalie Dee

The story of our engagement, however, is a little more interesting.  I spoke about it in general terms here, but to get a little more specific, there was a big time lag in between the first time that Kevin showed me the engagement ring and when we became officially engaged.  I was proposed to multiple times (a la one of my fave bees ever, Mrs. Ladybug).  And no, it's not that I rejected him the first few times--I knew we were going to get married--but it was more that I rejected his proposal method multiple times.

"Proposal" #1

It's around the winter holidays, and I know that Kevin probably already has my ring.  Why? Because we picked it out together eons ago and Mr. Smooth accidentally emailed me instead of the jeweler to announce that he wanted to move ahead with the purchase. Hehe.

We spent some time with my family over the holidays and I think there must have been some pressure for Kevin to propose and give me my damn ring, because he "proposed" when we got back to our apartment in NYC.

And where, oh where, did this hallowed event take place? Feast your eyes on this beaut of a locale.

I mean, he must have spent who knows how many minutes thinking about, of all the places in NYC at which he could propose to me, how our bathroom would be the ideal spot.

I was stepping out of the shower, had just picked up my towel (so yes, basically nekkid), and Kevin comes in and says "Look, here" or something unintelligible like that, and shoves the ring in my face. Ha!  I mean, what if I had been doing something else right then? Like #2??

To be fair, this was not (at least, it better not have been) the way he wanted to propose, but with the pressure he was feeling, he wanted to at least show me that he had the ring.  I think my response was something like "what do you want me to do with this" and "try again".

Next time, two more proposals.

Anybody get proposed to more than once?

Danny and Annie Perasa

Do you know this couple?

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If not, please click here to listen to their story or here to read part of it.  And grab the Kleenex (and maybe a pug for extra comfort) because you will absolutely bawl.  Just to lighten things a wee bit, I will photoblog my reaction to their story.

In short, Danny and Annie Perasa are a couple that took advantage of StoryCorps, the nationwide project that is building an oral history of everyday Americans by setting up recording booths in various places where people can come in, share and record their story.

The Perasas kind of became the face of StoryCorps because of their utterly disarming, romantic, and real love for each other.  Danny may not have grabbed any passerby's attention just with his looks, but his adoration and sense of romance, oh and I mean heartbreaking romance, that he felt for his wife was truly out of this world.

Some excerpts taken from here (imagine a heavy, mesmerizing Brooklyn accent):

DANNY PERASA: She started to talk and I said, listen, I'm gonna deliver a speech. I said, at the end you're gonna want to go home. I said you represent a 34 letter word. I said, that word is love. I says if we're goin' anywhere, we're goin' down the aisle because I'm too tired, too sick and too sore to do any other damn thing. And she turned around and she said, oh, of course I'll marry you. Then the next morning I called her as early as I possibly could...to make sure she hadn't changed her mind and she hadn't and every year on April 22 around 3:00, I call her and ask her, if it was today would she do it again and so far the answer's been the same.

ANNIE: Yeah, 25 times yes (laughs).

DANNY: You see the thing of it is I always feel guilty when I say I love you to you--and I say it so often. I say it to remind you that as dumpy as I am, it's comin' from me. It's like you're in a beautiful song from a busted old radio and it's nice of you to keep the radio around the house.

Perhaps one of the most touching parts of their story is, tragically, from an interview they gave in February 2006 a few days before Danny passed away from cancer.  They were talking about preparing for his death and the funeral, and he said this:

DANNY: I'm workin' on [the funeral]. She said it was her call. She wants to walk out behind the casket alone. I guess that's the way to do it because when we were married, you know how your brother takes you down, your father takes you down? She said, well, I don't know which of my brothers to walk in with, I don't want to offend anybody. I says, you walk in with me, you walk out with me and the other day I said who's gonna walk down the aisle with you behind the casket, you know, to support her and she said nobody; I walked in with you alone. I'm walkin' out with you alone.

It is partly their love story that has made me seriously consider walking down the aisle with Kevin.  It's so romantic.

And finally, to really get the waterworks going--I mean, isn't this the love we aspire to?

DANNY: (Crying) I could write on and on about her. She lights up the room in the morning when she tells me to put both hands on her shoulders so that she can support me. She lights up my life when she says to me at night, wouldn't you like a little ice cream or would you please drink more water. I mean, those aren't very romantic things to say, but they stir my heart. In my mind and my heart there has never been, there is not now and never will be another Annie.

This is what my pug thought of my antics:

Any love stories you particularly admire?

If Toula Can Do It...

Ms. Potato Chip wrote about a clever addition she had to wedding vocabulary: Bridol.

"Bridol -noun- 1. a bride who becomes your idol or role model; 2. a previously engaged woman (or man) whose planning style and general attitude invoked feelings of respect and admiration."

My bridol isn't real-life, although I'm sure many real-life brides have embodied the attitude which I so admire in my bridol.  Whenever I fret about things not going just right at the wedding, worrying about how I will be pouring my blood, sweat and tears into an event that I can 100% guarantee will not turn out exactly as I had planned (that's just impossible), I try to calm my mind and think of Toula.

Oh Toula, you are so wise. You are my comfort.

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It's Toula (aka Nila Vardalos) from My Big Fat Greek Wedding.  Remember this little sweetie?  Remember her dress?

 

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Yeah.  While I was embarking on a dress search to end all dress searches in order to find that perfect one, and then doubting whether I had made the right choice and calling my sister repeatedly for her affirmation, Toula practically gets a dress handed to her that makes her look like, as she says, a "snow beast."  And is she complaining? No, she laughs. I feel so small-minded next to her.

Remember her bridesmaids' dresses?

 

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Granted, I'm not having bridesmaids, but I think that this dress (again, a choice in which Toula had NO SAY) would make some brides huddle on the floor and weep.  But did she freak out? Worry that just because her cousins have no taste, that that would reflect poorly on her and ruin all her pictures?  No, Toula just let her cousins wiggle away in those pastel purple concoctions.

But you know what?  Toula got married. And she seemed to be having a ball.  She was still married to Aidan (he's Aidan to me) by the end of the day. Most of what we consider important aspects of the wedding did not turn out as she may have wanted, but she let it roll.

So brides (and grooms)--if things start to go a little askew or awry at any point during the wedding planning or the event, let us all take a deep breath and remember--Toula had it WAY worse and she didn't throw a crazy. And she got married to a hunk.

Disclaimer: easier said than done.  While I will try to remember and practice this attitude, I hereby state that I do not in any way waive my right to later complain or express any disappointment with any aspect of the wedding.


What things kept you calm during your wedding?

Pop Quiz

After I eliminated guest entertainment options that would involve me crafting something, I thought about wedding games.  Generally, when I hear "games", I kind of groan and think of those painful getting-to-know-you games that they would make you play the first day of camp in middle school that were actually not games but just devices to torture me (I was shy).  And for a wedding, why would adults play games? Sounds silly, right?

However, in reading about games you can play at weddings, in general it seems like they are well-received and guests appreciate them.  They can often be funny, and if they're low-pressure I don't think they will give people the hives that I go on my first day of summer camp. (unless playing spin-the-bottle on the first day of camp would have been the norm--I could have been all over that)

I'm seriously considering the shoe game, played by Mrs. Eggplant and Mrs. Tomato.

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(Mrs. Eggplant feels confident, confident, dry and secure! raise your hand, raise your hand, if you're sure!)
(if you do not remember the above jingle, we are just not of the same generation)

With the shoe game, you seat the bride and groom back to back, in a place where everyone can see 'em.  The bride and groom each have one of their shoes, as well as the shoe of the other (get it? So the bride has her Louboutin in one hand, and his Salvatore Ferragamo in the other).

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Then, the DJ/emcee/what have you asks a series of questions, such as "Who is the better kisser?"  The bride and groom each lifts the shoe of the person they think best fits the answer.  Sheesh, you know what, some of the most elementary things are so hard to explain on paper.  But you get it, right?

This game usually gets a lot of laughs, is low-key, and you can find various questions to ask on the internet, like here. Here are some samples:

-who made the first move

-who's the better cook
-who said "I LOVE YOU" first
-who has the wackiest family
-who's the better driver
-who spends the most time in front of a mirror
-who is most likely to eat dessert for breakfast

And hopefully, this game will not turn into something like this:

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Hee hee.

After I posted this on my original blog, I got some great suggestions for questions from awesome member penga and my sister, including the following:

Who's got better hair?
Who's more likely to lose things?
Who's shoe is smellier right now?
Who's side of the closet is cleaner?
Who's most likely to have more of the bed in the morning?
Who'd be better with a gun?
Who has the most items of clothing?
Who's most likely to be on a FBI wanted list?

Anyone else play the shoe game at their wedding or see how it's been done?  Any tips for those of us considering it?  Any suggestions for questions?

Let Me Entertain You

As I have mentioned, we are not having dancing at our wedding, so it is important to have activities at the wedding that will entertain the guests.  For example, we are going to have a DIY faux-tobooth (with silly props) and wishcards that will be displayed on memo boards.

But we need something more. Like, a burlesque stripper a la Gypsy Rose Lee:

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What a great musical ("EV-erything's coming up ROSEs and DAFFodils...").  I could create invitations with pictures of dollar bills that say "Bring your singles, ladies and fellas!" And for favors, give out those nifty pens that show a person stripping when you tip the pen over.

I hope this was obvious to every single one of you, but I was kidding.

In reality, I did consider some G-rated ideas from Martha Stewart Weddings:

Flag Timeline Board

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Full directions and pdf template are here, but basically you print out a large board with different years on it, and guests get to take little flagged pins with their names on it and shove it into the board on the year that they met you.  This was cute, but I would have to: (1) make flags for the pins; and (2) they kinda lost me at this step:

"1. Download the PDF onto a disk or thumb drive, and take it to a print or copy shop that can print on oversize paper. (You will need 17-by-46-inch paper in order to print out the full-size timeline.)"

Yeah, that sounds like too much effort for me. 17 x 46? Really? 

I Spy

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With I Spy, basically you lay out cards that have moments/scenes printed on them.  Guests are supposed to capture with disposable cameras provided by you.  Cute, but, I'm a scrooge and I don't really want all those photos.

Next post, I'll show you a "no DIY needed" activity that I think will entertain the guests.

Have any of you used these ideas or others for non-dancing entertainment of guests?  What are you secrets to success? What's your favorite song from Gypsy?